Is It Really Easier To Give In?

I'm really behind on my blogging and I promise I'll update everyone on what's been going on the past few weeks, but I've got something on my mind and so I'm going to type.

We had a busy night tonight. The big kids spring concert started at 6:30 and then when we got home I let everyone play outside and enjoy the beautiful weather. We played with the basketball, rode bikes, played with friends, and Ben, Dan, and I even played T-ball. I let them stay out longer than I should have, especially considering how tired they all are, and so when the bedtime routine started I knew it had to be quick. While the kids were talking to Daddy on the phone, I told Hannah I would read her and Gracie 1 bedtime story tonight. I didn't have time for the usual 2, 3, or 4 stories, but I wanted to read them at least one because I know they love it so much. Hannah proceeded to beg for 2 books, she begged over and over and even went so far as to tell me, "Mom, you WILL read me 2 bedtime stories." After telling her no over and over again, I finally realized I needed to put a stop to it and so I told her I would read her one story, but if she kept whining about 2 stories I wouldn't read any stories. Long story short, we didn't end up reading any stories and she completely lost it. She laid in her bed and bawled and bawled. She was, at times, uncontrollable and would hang on me crying to read her a story. Part of me wanted to laugh because it's totally not how we act and it really was pathetic to watch, but part of me wanted to cry as well. She's my little girl and all she wanted was for me to read her a bedtime story. What kind of mean mommy am I?

Do you ever feel like it would be so much easier to just give in to your children? When they cry, throw a tantrum, or pull that 'cutest pouty face ever' act (Hannah has this down to an art, her pout is priceless,) sometimes I just think to myself, "It'd just be so much easier to give in." Sadly, I think I've done more and more of that over the past few months and maybe even years. Life's crazy here if you hadn't already guessed. I've been overwhelmed at times and I think with the craziness, uncertainty and just pure child to parent ratio, well, I'll just come out and say it. "I've been slacking." You're all shocked, I know. (Please just humor me and pretend you're shocked.) But really, I've been falling behind in my discipline and I can see the change in my kids. I still think I have fairly good kids, but not as good as they have been and could be. I've known this for awhile, but this past week I learned just how far we've fallen.

Kenny's gone this week and will likely be gone most weeks this summer. Single parenting 6 small kids is not what I call fun, but this is where we are in life and I'll do it and we'll all survive. He's been gone for 4 days now and my kids have taken this opportunity to push their boundaries and see how far they can get. Every kids does it, right, and this new daddyless dynamic has provided my kids with the opportunity to get away with more, so they think. When Kenny left on Sunday I sat the kids down and told them things were going to change and I was going to need a lot more help from them. Now, I have to admit that I don't blame them for not believing me. I've told them this before, with full intent on following through, but not actually following through and I can completely understand them sitting there thinking my words are empty words. However, this time is different because it has to be different. I do need their help more and things do need to change. The disciple needs to come back.

Parenting is a hard thing because there are so many things to teach children, things you don't even know you're teaching them. With my lack of discipline I've been teaching my kids things I don't want them to know. They've discovered that if they whine enough I'll likely give in just to quite them. I catch myself doing this, but it's almost like I'm powerless to stop it. The desire to just have some quite is so large that I give them that candy or don't make them do their chores. It's lame because I'm smarter than that. I know that a little hard work and 'pain' now will result in things being so much easier in the long run. I think when you're in the middle of things you often react before thinking, that's what I often do anyway, and it's typically not the best choice.

This goes beyond just me having to put up with their whining. I'm teaching them so many things I don't even realize I'm teaching them. I'm teaching them that they don't have to listen to adults, they don't really have to work, and that it's OK to be whiny and bratty and that if they are they'll get what they want. I'm teaching them that it's OK to get what you want when you want it and that life should be all play and no work. Giving in all the time is definitely not doing my kids, or I, any favors.

I want them to learn the value of work. I want them to understand what other people are going through and be sympathetic and helpful. I know they're little and there's only so much of this that they can do, but I think starting young is important. I want my kids to understand that there are consequences for their actions, whether good or bad. I don't think that my lack of discipline and my giving in to them is teaching them these things. In the past I've always excused it away by telling myself that they understand all those important things and that when it really come down to it they'll choose right, but really, if I don't teach these things to them how are they going to learn them. If I don't put my foot down and hold them accountable for their actions how are they going to learn about consequences. If I don't make them work, how are they going to learn the value of work. They're kids and it's my job to teach them these things and if they know these things, not only will they be better children and hopefully become better adults, but life in our family will flow better and we'll all be happier.

So, back to my original question. Do you ever feel like it would be so much easier to just give in to your children? YES! I often feel this way, but giving in to them is only an immediate gratification and can cause longterm issues. So, what happened when it came to Hannah and her bedtime stories? I debated with myself over and over about what to do. Should I just read her a story (after all, studies show reading to your kids at bedtime is VERY important for their growth and education) or should I stick to what I said and make her go to bed without the story. I'm proud to say I did the later. I talked to her about her choice of whining over and over and how that led to not getting a bedtime story and even though she was sobbing uncontrollably she was able to repeat (enough that I got that she understood me) what I had talked to her about. I told Gracie to leave her alone and let her cry, I kissed her, gave her a hug good night, told her I loved her, and left the room. She cried for about 10 minutes, calmed herself down, and then fell asleep. I felt like a horrible parent. It's not at all fun listening to your kids cry, but I knew it was an important lesson for her to learn and she'd never learn to listen if I didn't give her consequences for her choices.

I'm sure we'll have many more of these episodes come up in the near future, but I'm determined to teach my children how to listen again and do what they're told. I often tell them, "You know, you don't get anything you want by whining." Now it's time to show them that. I think a lot of things are going to change around here (I'm hoping anyway,) more things than just me sticking to my guns. I think a list of family rules is important, but more importantly I think it's key to live them. I'm hoping to get organized in some way. My friend has bought the Power of Mom's organizing tool called Mind Organization for Mom's (M.O.M) and it sounds amazing. One day I'll be able to afford it, but for now I'll just have to go off some of the tips she's given me. I think organization is a very important thing to help a family flow in harmony. Our lives are going to become completely restructured with the goals of becoming better people in mind. My family is seriously lacking direction and we'll never become the people we could and should be if we don't change that. So I'm hoping that by being the 'mean mom' or using more discipline, my kids will learn to be loving, caring, well rounded children, because really, isn't that what all parents want for their kids.