My wonderful friend Sara introduced me to "The Power of Moms" and their learning circles. She decided this year she was going to work on being a better mom and in the process came across the power of moms website. It's a sight created by some of the daughters of the Eyre family. Linda and Richard Eyre (for those of you who don't know and I didn't know until I started the power of moms) are the creators of Joy School. They have spent their lives helping to educate parents and to try and better the family structure. Well, as I said already, their daughters have formed this website called the Power of Moms that helps moms become better mothers and people in general. Part of the website allows for what's called Learning Circles. It's were you get together with 10-15 other moms and have a bonding girls night out. You're given an article to read and ponder and then you get together and discuss what you've read about. It's kind of like a book club, but so much more valuable in my opinion.
It's once a month and started last month with the topic of "Become Who You Are Meant To Be." This was an awesome topic and I came back feeling better about myself as a mother, realizing I was probably doing a better job than I thought, and determined to be better a little at a time. I left with this natural high and determination to get out of my rut.
This months article was entitled "Cherish the Moment." I'll admit that this topic hit a little too close to home for me. I got chocked up reading the article and then by the time if finished the three suggested articles the tears were flowing. The beginning of the article start with a quote from a lady named Anna Quindlen (apparently it was from an article in Newsweek.) The quote is as follows:
"Everything in all the books I once poured over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach, T. Berry Brazelton, Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education, all grown obsolete. Along with 'Goodnight Moon' and 'Where the Wild Things Are,' they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories. . . the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make. . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of (my children) sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4, and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less."
WOW! Did this paragraph ever hit home to me. I must admit that this is one of my biggest fears as a mother, the fear of missing out on my kids. I've begun to realize lately that time is going really fast. I spend all my days getting things done. The laundry, meals, dishes, baths, homework, and on and on. I'm not spending the time with my kids that I need to be spending with them. When I only had Sarah, or even Sarah and Ben, I was much better at playing with my kids. I took them to the park, read them stories, played "Little People" with them, and all those other fun things. Now that I have 4 other kids I find myself too busy for them. There are too many other things I have to get done that I don't take the time for them that I did when there were fewer of them. Now, I acknowledge this is necessary in some ways. Four extra kids does add a lot more laundry and dishes and baths, but that doesn't mean I should stop the little things as well.
In the article we read (written by Shawni Pothier) she talks about being there for you kids, not just physically. She says, "It's about crouching on the floor and getting delirious over the praying mantis your son just caught instead of perusing a fax or filling the dishwasher while he is yelling for you attention and you distractedly say over your shoulder: 'Oh, honey, isn't that a pretty bug.'" Yeah, that one hit home too. First it made me feel better that I'm not the only horrible mom in the world who does that, but more importantly it made me realize how important it is that we pay attention to our kids while they still want our attention. I don't want my kids to think dishes and laundry are more important than them and the way I act a lot of times probably gives them that feeling. Shawni continues, and I totally agree, "I want my kids to see my eyes shine when I play with them. I want to enjoy their play as much as they do. I want to "crouch down on the floor and get delirious' over the seemingly simple things that delight them. I want to look at the world through their eyes. I want to be their's while they want me." I want my kids to know I love them and that I'm so grateful to be their mom.
I want to see the shine in my kids eyes so that when they're grown I can always remember that shine. I can see my kids getting older and though I'm excited for the next stage in their and my lives, I don't want this stage to end. As I nurse baby Adam and he holds my finger in his little hands I can't help but take it all in. I'm often, in those rare quite moments with him while the other kids are playing or sleeping, overcome with the emotions of him being my last baby and the simple fact that he's growing up too quickly and taking that adorable little hand with him. All the things that come with babyhood are leaving our house and it's so hard for me to accept. I feel like I've lived my entire life preparing and waiting for this job of motherhood and now parts of it are going away that will never come back.
I think of my little Hannah, so sweet and loving. I feel so guilty about her speech. If only I'd taken more time with her like I did with Ben and Sarah, maybe she wouldn't be so speech delayed. I beat myself up over that so much. I feel like, in a way, I've cheated the kids out of the mother they deserved. However, I've also come to acknowledge that I can't change the past, only the future. I'm in that moment Anna Quindlen spoke about, "the trenches of motherhood," and I'm determined from this moment on to really cherish the life I have. It's going to go really quickly and I don't want to miss a thing. I'll still have to do the laundry, dinner, dishes, and so on, but I can take time out to listen to my kids story or watch their silly thing they do. I can take the time to read them a bedtime story or two and give them the silly kisses and hugs they love so much at bedtime.
After reading these articles I had a few moments with Dan. He was the only one awake and Ben and Sarah weren't going to be home from school for another 15 minutes. Instead of putting him in his boaster seat with a snack so I could clean the kitchen, I decided to get down on the floor and play with him. The girls had brought out a crib toy earlier in the day that had a spiny toy on it. Dan sat there for the entire 15 minutes we had alone together spinning that toy and giggling like it was the funniest thing in the world. At that moment I soaked up that little boy. I watched his eyes sparkle and joined in on his giggles. At that moment, there was no one else in the world and Dan ate it up. I realized from that moment, this is what I need to be doing. I need to be cherishing as much time as I can with my kids because I only get one chance. I don't want to look back and think, "I didn't live in the moment."
